TheOverAnalyzed

I am impossible to shop for.

Well, perhaps not impossible. There are some surefire gift ideas out there.^[1]

It hasn’t always been this way. And what’s more frustrating is that I can’t pinpoint the transition from “[Allison talking] Anthony will like this” to “I won’t buy this for him because I’m not sure he’ll like it.”

How did this happen?

The first theory is that I have just become more picky as I get older. This is the theory that I am least inclined to believe, because for as far back as I can remember, I have been picky about everything. As a child, when my grandma would take me back-to-school clothes shopping, I was tremendously picky about what pants to get, and what shoes to get, etc.

Fast-forward: if you were to examine every corner of my life as it is today, you would fine that almost all of the decisions I have made—be it which movie to buy, or what t-shirt to get—those were all very intentional decisions. My Precision bass isn’t Faded Sonic Blue because I liked the color.^[2] No, that color was chosen because I knew I would eventually have an Olympic White Jazz bass in the stable, and I didn’t want them to be the exact same color.

It’s the thought that counts

The better theory is that I have simply been repressing my dissatisfaction with past gifts, instead masking them with fake excitement. This is by far the more upsetting theory, because it would seem to suggest that all of the past gifts I had received were bad ones. I can picture my friends and family reading this thinking, “Did he like that gift I gave him, or did he hate it?” Fret not: this has not been the story my life. Have there been some duds? Surely.^[3]

Moreover, it’s hard to write about this and not feel as if I am being ungrateful. In the rare event that a gift hasn’t been a smash-up hit, I can honestly say that the old saying still rings true today: it’t the thought that counts. The mere existence of this post might imply that I have either been the receiver of many a bad gift, or I am eternally slighted because of which. In actuality, the opposite true. I really don’t think about gifts all that often. I am grateful for every single gift bestowed upon me. I try not to take anything for granted.

But the subject of gifting does occasionally come up, and what is often said is how stressful it is for others to shop for me.

That’s why this past week’s episode of the Accidental Tech Podcast was so fitting:

John Siracusa’s hypothetical scenario of someone wanting to buy Marco coffee was fitting. Marco is a coffee snob in the truest sense of the term. Consider this: upon hearing about his love for coffee, his 80-year-old aunt decides to go into Target to get him “coffee.” In the ballpark (sort-of), but not quite in the vicinity, right?

Let me just tell you exactly what to get. Just get this.

I can’t count the times that someone has wanted to buy something for me, and even after being hyper-specific about the intricacies of that thing, what I eventually received was not precisely what I had asked for.^[4] Now, sometimes the surprise is actually better than what I had asked for! I remember when I was first married, I accidentally sent my iPod Touch through the washing machine. I asked my mom for another iPod Touch for Christmas. I even specified that 8GB was enough.^[5] “In other words mom, ‘Don’t get the big 32GB model.’” Save mom some bucks, yeah? Well, when Christmas finally rolled around that year, mom did the unthinkable. She got me the 32GB model. Pleasant surprise.

And almost all of the gifts that Allison has gotten me over the years were ones that I hadn’t specified to a T, let alone suggested. Guess what? They’ve all been amazing. This one especially.

But historically speaking, the results of experimental and off-the-spec gifts haven’t fared so well. When I was a kid, my dad drove big-rig trucks across country. I was into Power Rangers at the time. And whatever the occasion, dad decided to get me a Power Rangers toy. Only he didn’t. Be brought back the ‘Long’s Drugs’ generic power rangers off-brand toy. Clearly not the same thing.

The point of all this banter isn’t to discourage future spontaneous and unsolicited gifting. More-so, it’s a realization that I’m not alone. There are at least three other nerds out there who are just as particular about their interests as I am. And that’s pretty cool.^[6]